Breaking the Cycle of Self-Deception

Good Morning! Although it is dreary outside, I rejoice for the promise of LIFE in God's Word! (I must warn you that today's topic is as deep as it is long. I hope you have a little extra time to invest.)

A particular sweet routine has developed over the course of the last week or so. My husband's alarm sounds at 6:30am, he leaves the bedroom, returns five minutes later and then starts his morning grooming ritual: shower, shave, dress, check the weather, shoes, and then disappears again. (All this is going on while I am still in bed, a small blessing from starting the school in my home.) At promptly 6:55am, my husband returns with a yummy cup of coffee for me (which translates: I love you), says his goodbye, and then he is off to work and I won't see him until 4pm. As I drink my coffee, I contemplate the day, check the weather, shower (I don't take the coffee in the shower with me only because the shower is not equipped with a cup holder:), dress, wake kids, then sit down to hear from God, whether through Bible reading or a tv evangelist.

Today's message (on tv) sparked an interest with me especially. This past Sunday in children's church the lesson was on Cain. Not the typical story I grew up learning, but one of self-deception. As you may recall, our downward spiral throughout history has been one of deception, thanks to the serpent that beguiled Eve in the garden. Because of Eve & Adam's sin of doubt(self-deception) and/or disobedience, death entered into our world. Think about it. Doubt is self-deception. Eve knew she wasn't suppose to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil, but the ole' serpent raised a question that sparked doubt...Eve began to think God was holding out on her, she began to question, she began to doubt. She was deceived into thinking God was keeping something from her. Adam-well that's a whole other story all-together. We may get to him at another time. What I want to share with you is what I learned from a children's story on Sunday and had it confirmed today by a minister in Missouri on tv.

Cain. What do you remember about Cain? He murdered his brother, right? Imagine if you will, that Cain decided that he wanted to change things up a bit with his sacrifice of a gift basket of fruits and veggies (since he was a farmer) instead of the required animal sacrifice (which God had initially taught them was acceptable). When God favored Abel's obedient sacrifice over Cain's, that may have stirred a bit of resentment that grew into self-deception. Have you ever had someone choose someone else over you? Maybe being last picked for a team, or your BF choosing someone else to go to the movies with, or someone else getting the promotion for which you have worked so hard.

To Cain, God bypassing his offering may have been offensive, but it wasn't God who was in the wrong. Cain didn't follow God's plan. Can you imagine the bitterness and thoughts flowing through Cain's mind at the time. What thoughts run through your mind when you think you have done good but find out it wasn't accepted?

Self-deception. I don't know about you but I talk to myself. A lot. I even call myself by my full name sometimes. Strange, I know. Besides God, I am usually the only one that listens to me anyway, so no harm-no foul. LOL Problem is, I tend to listen to myself rather than to God. That is where my self-deception takes center stage.

I imagine Cain grumbling and complaining, maybe even pouting about God not liking his sacrifice. That God showed Abel favor. Abel was God's favorite. Why does everything have to be about Abel? Can't you hear the whining tone? ( You can if you are a parent.) It says that Cain got angry, and his countenance fell. I see Cain skulking away, head hanging down like my kids do when they don't get their way. God comes to Cain like a parent and gently corrects him. (I am going to paraphrase here:) "Cain, why are you so upset? Why are you pouting? You know that if you do right and good you will be accepted, but if you choose to do otherwise, sin is at hand. You should control yourself better and not let things (sinful thoughts) get to you."

After hearing what God had to say, Cain goes to his brother to talk. Maybe he went to his brother a little too soon (I have learned from my husband that when you are angry with someone always wait at least a day to confront them; give yourself time to cool down). I think he didn't hear all God was saying about self control and the dangers of sin. They are in the field talking over what was bothering Cain and something may have been said that set off Cain's temper again.

What do boys do when they feel they have to compete? What do boys usually do in order to show that one is better than the other? My boys? They fight. They wrestle. Mind you Author is 5 1/2 years older than Tigger and double him in size. It doesn't matter. They battle it out. Well, let's say, that may have been what happened here with Cain and Abel. A wrestling match gone awry. Then, oops, someone got a little too rough and the other got hurt. Really hurt. Hmmm....

The first homicide. What did Cain do? I think he hid. His parents did when they disobeyed. When God came to him and asked him where Abel was (of course God knew, don't most parents know what happened before they confront their children?). Cain denied knowing and immediately God asked him, "What did you do?" (sound familiar?) God prescribes a disciplinary measure ("grounding") for Cain because of his sin, the thing he loved most to do, farm, would no longer be an option for him. The ground would bring nothing forth from his hard work. (Brown thumb?) To Cain this restriction was a heavy weight. He, also assumed his punishment would be even harsher in that he believed when others saw him, they would want to kill him out of revenge. God assured him that they would not kill him.

I guess I grew up thinking that Cain was someone evil and wicked, vile even. But what I see today is that Cain was just like the rest of us. We pout when we don't get our way, we complain when we aren't chosen or favored, we think thoughts that lead to us deceiving ourselves and believing in the worst. We forget what God has done and how gently He corrects us. God could have killed Cain right then, but he didn't. He wanted Cain to learn from his mistake and to correct his thinking.

I allow deception to control me sometimes. I fear. I fear the worst. (Worry is what we call it today) I fear what people think of me, what I say, what I do, how I am dressed. Growing up I never thought I could do anything right. I wasn't good enough. Things I attempted were either ignored or criticized. I sought acceptance and approval. When I didn't get it, I felt I was worthless. Still, I strive to attain acceptance and approval and end up depressed because I imagine the worst. My self-deception of "I am not good enough" has kept me bound for years. It magnifies my fears, paralyzes my efforts, and keeps me in a depressed frame of mind.

So, how do I propose to break my cycle of self deception? Listening to God. Choosing each day (and each moment as necessary) to do the right and good thing. Choosing to trust God instead of worrying. Choosing to be myself no matter what I think people will think of me or do think of me. Choosing to believe the best instead of imagining the worst.

Life is full of choices. Eve had a choice. She chose to give in to deception and the human race was hurt. Cain had a choice; he chose to give in to deception and his brother died. You & I have a choice. If we allow ourselves to be deceived, we bind ourselves to sin and people get hurt. Sometimes it will be others. But an important lesson to learn here is: Self deception hurts us personally; it causes us to resent ourselves and others.

Breaking this cycle of "I'm not good enough" is not going to be an easy one. Especially one that has been forged for nearly 4 decades. But I have faith, that the destructive thoughts I think will no longer have a hold on me. God gently reminds me that HE is in control and when I give Him the control of my thoughts and life, things are always better than I imagined. God puts before us Life & Death. HE desires that we choose LIFE so HE can show us great and mighty things!

Hoping that today, you choose LIFE and God's blessings be richly poured upon you!